Age: old as shit

Eyes: dos

Hair: no thanks

Occupation: ill do just about anything for money. except work.

Drink: spiced rum and ginger. double. short. throw in the occasional vodka tap water.

Energy Drink: anything that stimulates me.

Activities: cannibalism

Favorite Food: the skin I guess

Favorite Color: red today

Favorite Scene from Terminator 2: that part where john connor calls those two guys douchebags and the one guy says fuck you you little dipshit. its really as good as it sounds.

Musical Influences: you probably havent heard of them. I like the album everyone hates from most artists.

TV: concerts.

Games: I actually am starting to hate them all a little. old as shit, like I said.

Pastimes: spiced rum and ginger.

Deepest Desire: a jagermeister machine and that winter was here.





Why don’t you play bass?

I do.


…in Caste of Shadows?

marcell plays bass. he can’t play leads worth shit.


Why don’t you have any pets?

I can barely feed myself. but i guess if there were dogs and cats running around my house it would be easier.


That’s gross.



I heard you grew up on a farm. Do you like horses?

I like to buy cases of glue sticks. I just throw them in the trash to create demand.


Wow. That’s revolting. You’re just not an animal lover are you?

I’m certain the feeling is mutual. deal with it.


Were you abused as a child?

are you abused as an adult?


Oh. Um, k.

that’s what I thought.


Nevermind. Where do you see the band in five years?

doing your son.


Wow. This interview is over.

go f*** yourself.



Editor’s Note: This interview did not appear in any publication.